Life can be stressful sometimes, but our thoughts create more stress than we actually face. And we all have a different stress response. That is why it is extremely important to process the internal turmoil first and the rest falls into place, eventually.
Do you know that on a daily basis, we have over 65,000 thoughts, and only a small, tiny fraction of them, we are aware of? Indeed….. Our thoughts can stress us, especially if we carry unresolved issues from the past.
We all do things just to feel a little bit better, on a daily basis, we are just not aware of that. We think that if we eat chocolate or have a drink we will feel better, and we do but for a very short-lived moment in time. The trouble is when we start looking for things outside of us to bring us relief, a break from the constant rush or just to kill the boredom and loneliness we feel. So we throw all our energy into the pursuit of happiness but we do not look inside of us to find it. And I promise you,
the happiness we all seek is hidden inside each one of us and is waiting there patiently.
We are subjected, daily, to three types of stress: chemical, physical, and psychological. And we respond in one of the following ways: fight, fight, freeze, and fawn.
Here I want to explore, briefly, flight responses to psychological stress that we carry inside of us and the reasons why we continue taking the same detrimental actions again and again.
The flight response to stress is when we actively seek escape from a situation, we perceive as life-threatening. This response relates to childhood trauma and the way we have been taught to cope. Do you remember a time when you were a child and you felt scared or angry? Probably you do. What was your parents’ response? It was to take your mind off it by giving you something or pointing your attention to something else. If this happens times and times again what happens is
- You cannot learn how to process your feelings of anger and upset
- You learn to start looking for a distraction
Please do not blame your parents, they did what they thought was best for the moment and didn’t know better. So it is not their fault really. Our parents simply taught us what their parents had taught them…
So without wasting any more time, I want to give you some of the most prominent flight responses I have noticed:
1. Shopping
I am not talking about shopping for items that we need or occasional compulsive purchases, that excite us. I am referring to excessive shopping, to the constant need to be excited. Shopping for items, one doesn’t need or will not use regularly, and the one that gets a person into debt. I am talking about shoppers who need to get a bargain only because it is a bargain but put their financial health in jeopardy because they cannot stop themselves and look at the consequences of their actions in the long run. By buying expensive and flashy items people try to be seen and acknowledged.
2. Drugs and alcohol
We know that feeling of waiting for Friday to come, so we can indulge in some partying and lots of alcohol, and some drugs. Why not? We deserve it. We deserve to feel good after slaving for five days at a job, we hate but pay the bills. And we think it is harmless but we are not willing to look at the real reason behind it. All we want is to have fun. Of course, having a drink or two is nice but getting drunk is a different level. Drinking and taking drugs is a self-medicating activity for the sole purpose of relieving stress and forgetting thoughts and emotions that keep us feeling unhappy.
3. Success
Some of us chase success like our lives depend on it. To succeed, for a lot of people, means a lot. They are ready to pay any price if that means that they will achieve success, whatever that means to them. These people do it for the sole purpose of proving to themselves and subconsciously to a parental or authority figure, that they are good enough and deserve to be acknowledged. Usually, these are people, who have felt diminished in their value in one way or another. By chasing success these people try their best to prove to themselves that they matter.
4. Food
Yes, eating can be a flight response as well. Here I am talking about binge eating. The eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are a fight response because there is a control issue. Binge eating relates to the comfort we seek in foods like chocolate, sweets, cakes etc. When we binge eat we seek comfort from pain. This pain might come from guilt or anger.
5. Sex
Sex addicts crave to be noticed and loved. When we are in a monogamous relationship, our partner cannot give us what we crave all the time because life happens. So we turn to other people to excite us and soothe the pain we feel from not being noticed or not being loved.
6. Procrastination
Procrastination is another flight response to stress. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed with responsibilities we simply need a break. We know what we have to do but we cannot find the energy to do it, so we procrastinate.
I can assure you that I have been guilty of a few of these flight responses like binge eating, drinking, and sex addiction. I am still working on my binge eating and slowly but surely, my ways are changing along with my mindset. And I can see the difference in me, in my thoughts and my actions. It is profound and I want to help those, who struggle with any of these flight responses.
If you can recognize yourself in one of these responses and you wish to stop this detrimental cycle, book your appointment with me:
