What is trauma?
Trauma is the emotional response to a stressful event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster. These are the most extreme cases of trauma.
I think we have to recognise as trauma different types of events that have happened in our lives. These are the events from our childhood and adolescent years, that have hurt us physically and/or emotionally.
Unfortunately, the mental trauma from shock or constant demand to suppress the needs, experienced by a child, is not widely recognised by society because there is no visible evidence. These, shocking to us, events have taught us how to survive in some circumstances. But they do not serve us in adulthood any more.
It can be an alcoholic parent, emotional neglect, overbearing care and so on. Each one of us can remember when we needed some care and attention and it hasn’t been received. Even if we didn’t have a traumatic childhood. This is still a traumatic event to the child but widely dismissed by the caregivers.
So a lot of us are walking on this earth, still carrying the pain inside, like a heavy suitcase. And trying to avoid it at any cost. We adopt certain behaviours because we are trying to avoid that pain.
8 ways we use to block trauma
- Excessive use of social media and compulsive mindless scrolling – It is much easier to follow someone else’s life than look at our own. We might think that our life is boring, we have nothing to give or even that we have failed. Scrolling on social media helps us to focus on others than ourselves. It gives us something to dream about or criticise. We use it to distract ourselves from our thoughts.
- Binge drinking every weekend because we are off work – when we drink we feel more liberated and we can say or do anything we want, without second-guessing ourselves. When we drink we enter a world that is more pleasant and free of pain. But is it really?
- Excessive and mindless exercising to reach our goal, we are never satisfied with – we all know that physical activity relieves mental pressure. However, excess physical activity points out to the internalised feeling of not being physically attractive enough. This is the fear that we will not be liked if we do not comply with society’s beauty standards. So the endless pursuit of perfection continues.
- Binge eating, even when we are not hungry – this is something I can relate to. Looking for comfort in food is huge and the food industry exploits it to the brim. The habit of binge eating is rooted in our childhood. When we were crying or upset about something, our caregivers gave us sweets and chocolate. They knew this will make us feel better and we will stop the racket. So this behaviour has gained a lot of momentum and it does take time to stop it
- Terrified of being alone and/or staying in toxic relationships – the horror of being alone with our own thoughts is suffocating. The enveloping feeling of darkness and helplessness is all-consuming, so we seek company. We seek someone, anyone, so we can focus on them and not on us. Sometimes we even stay in toxic relationships and friendships, only to avoid the pain, our thoughts produce in ourselves.
- Keeping busy all the time, because we are afraid of doing nothing – keeping busy is another way for our focus not to be on our needs and wants. Keeping busy all the time helps us to keep focused on everything else but our own pain. It gives us pleasure and joy. But the moment we stop to rest, all our thoughts come flooding back into our minds. So we seek something else to keep busy with.
- Compulsive shopping for items we do not need and even going into debt because of it – every time we buy something new and shiny we feel good. Each and every one of us is looking for this feeling. Compulsive shopping, however, proves really detrimental. If we shop to feel good, we buy items that we do not necessarily want or need. Shopping is a fantastic experience. But we have to do it because we feel good and not as means to make us feel better
- Becoming a workaholic and having poor boundaries at work, including being available 24/7 – work is good for mental health as well as physical health. Work is good because we create value for others as well as ourselves. However, if we turn into workaholics this is the only way we feel in control. We know what and why we are doing it, then it becomes a problem. We are workaholics only because our private life has fallen into pieces and we don’t know how to deal with it.
In conclusion, it is safe for me to say, that looking inwards and healing our childhood wounds proves more beneficial than trying to ignore them. Yes, it is scary and painful, I will not lie to you. But my promise to you is that the pain is short-lived and the feeling of freedom, acquired after that, is immeasurable.
If you have had enough of carrying this baggage and you want to drop it off book your session with me
