What is success?
Success has a different meaning for each one of us from setting goals and achieving them to being able to live a balanced life.
Success can take the following meanings:
- Taking care of your own needs first
- Setting a goal and achieving it
- Having a home of your own instead of renting
- Learning the difference between “I need” and “I want”
- Believe in yourself
- Your passion is your work
- Overcoming fear
- Stepping outside of your comfort zone
- Not giving up
- To love and allow to be loved
Why do we want success?
A couple of our primal needs are the need to be important, the need to feel good and the need to be safe. We think that having success in the material world is what makes us important, what makes us happy and what will give us safety in our lives.
In my life, however, this has proven fruitless and draining. After going for money, acknowledgement, material possessions and especially trying to control everything and everybody in my life (I thought through control I can achieve safety), I ended up with adrenal burnout and I was literally able only to breathe. That’s it. And for someone who is action-oriented, that period, when I couldn’t do anything, felt strange and unproductive.
So I just saw my needs flying through the window altogether.
Unfortunately, the majority of us, have been raised with fear in our hearts. We have been made to believe that we are helpless, not good enough, and therefore not deserving of the success, happiness and love we desire. So we block our success, and we self-sabotage ourselves.
9 Reasons why we block our success and ways we self-sabotage
- Overthinking – overthinking is a real enemy. We overthink when we are afraid or when we have to make a decision, but we do not believe enough in ourselves that the decision we make is the best one. The real danger comes from not deciding because then we can blame someone else for deciding for us.
- Procrastination – this appears when we are afraid to take action. We find other things that have to be done, and we place a higher priority on them. So, when we procrastinate we either get really stressed because we have a deadline to meet or we end up dealing with a worse situation
- Victim mentality – people who have got victim mentality expect someone else to take responsibility for their life. Always someone else is guilty of them feeling low, or not succeeding or anything else. It is always someone else that is at fault. They are not willing to take responsibility for their own life.
- Self-doubt – When we were babies we didn’t doubt ourselves. We raised our heads on our own, we sat on our own, and we learnt to crawl on our own…… So why are we doubting ourselves? Because we believed someone, who told us that we are not good enough. We believed when we were told that we will not mount to anything. Basically, we believed that we are not worthy of what we desire, and the only way for us to receive something is to lower our standards. So here we are, carrying this belief with us to the present
- Trouble stating our needs – This goes hand in hand with the previous point. If we doubt ourselves, we tend to doubt that our needs are valid and important. If our needs are not important then why should we put them out there? Guess what: ALL NEEDS ARE IMPORTANT. If we have a need and we cannot fulfil it ourselves, we have to learn to state it. Even better to state it to the right person. There are people, who will not be willing to fulfil your need, even if they can do something about it. In that case, it is completely your decision if that person will stay in your life.
- Afraid to ask for help – Asking for help blends, partially, with stating our needs. Here we can have a slight variation. For example, I was afraid to ask for help, because I didn’t want to look incompetent or weak in front of those around me. I was trying to do everything on my own because when I was a child I was left on my own devices to look after myself and to look after my sister. To top that one up, I had to entertain myself or help my parents with various activities, unsuitable for my age. And when I was complaining I was told that I am too sensitive and I have to toughen up. So it has been really hard for me to ask for help, regardless of the issue. I have always tried to solve the problems on my own and not to bother anyone.
7. Giving up when things don’t go our war way – One thing I wish I knew, when I decided to pursue entrepreneurship, was how hard it is to gain momentum and how much support I will need in the very beginning. In my previous failed businesses, I thought that all I have to do is plonk a website and sit and look pretty, waiting for the customers to block my door with their demands for my goods or services. Well, that didn’t happen. It didn’t happen because, I was missing so much knowledge and instead of learning, I just acted and expected results. The lessons from these businesses are: learn and apply, learn more and apply more, become better and learn to apply better. In life, nothing develops in a straight line. There are always some kind of blocks, that have to be removed.
8. Fear of failure – We are so afraid to fail because failure means an end. An end to the hope to achieve a goal, an end to the pursuit of happiness, continuation to live our lives in a miserable state. Failure means, a continuation of the darkness. Failure means that we are not capable to get to that state of financial freedom, a slim and fit body, and being a happy parent, and successful CEO. You name it. Actually, I LOVE failure. Why? Because when I analyse it I find my blind spots and now I know what I have to work on.
9. Not being able to say No – the ability to say “No” is important. If we say yes to everything and everyone, we don’t have the time or the energy to look after ourselves. I know, we have been taught to pay attention to other people’s feelings and to help out, and to give away our toys and so on. But until we recognise that we are one in seven billion.
Each and every one of us is unique. We are the only person, who is consistent, in our life from the moment we are conceived until the moment we die. And because of that, we have to be a little bit more protective of our happiness, our health, and our energy.
I have been guilty in each and every one of the points above. And I still catch myself sometimes doing what goes against me and I do my best to reverse it. As a result, my life is much better and I feel much stronger, safe and confident.
If you are struggling from any blocks or you can recognise yourself in one of the points above, and you are ready to change your life book your appointment with me.
