9 Signs You Are Being Used And They Are Wasting Your Time

Being used in our relationships is not fun. It is extremely hurtful in fact. We feel, and quite rightly so, that we have been using our energy and resources for a lost cause.

We are not perfect. None of us is. Neither we have been born with the knowledge and skills to recognize, who is worth, us investing our time and energy, and who is not. We grow up, shaped and conditioned by our relatives’ beliefs and the norms, the society we live in, dictates. We have been brought up to trust the elders and to never question others. We have been told to give them the benefit of the doubt and to hope that we are wrong in our convictions. Convictions, especially those that go against the masses’ understandings, are the ones that are attacked the most.

We grow up, literally showered, with fear, threats, other people’s insecurities, and so on. So from early childhood, we have been broken into certain beliefs that we have to be someone else, in order to fit in. So we bring our own baggage into our relationships. This proves disastrous.

To stop the vicious circle, we are entangled in, we need to learn emotional sobriety and healing. We need to learn to be objective and not in denial. We need to explore our fears: fear of abandonment, rejection, and codependency.

Once we heal ourselves we stop being afraid to end a relationship because it is uncomfortable. Once we increase our level of self-awareness, we are more clear about what we want in life. We voice better our needs and wants. We even become clear what qualities our partner should posses.

It is your job to decide what you want and be honest with yourself and honour yourself

Below are 9 of the signs that someone, especially of romantic interest, is wasting your time:

1. When their words do not match their actions – when you don’t feel it, when they make promises and do not deliver on a regular basis. When they tell you that they are empathetic but you see that they treat others harshly or rudely
2. They cancel last minute on a regular basis – when you make plans and give them sufficient enough notice. You notice that they start to cancel the arrangement more and more and more, and the excuse is more or less, the same and you know that is just an excuse and not the real reason
3. You feel like you are chasing them – they might want to be chased or they are not that into you. But if you are the only one to initiate a conversation, or you are the only one who maintains conversation, then the relationship is one-sided. If you are the only one who suggests going to places or dinner, then the relationship is one-sided.
4. They are married or in a committed relationship – when they string you along and they keep on promising you that they will leave their spouse but they never do, just call it quits. Stop believing their words but rather look at their actions.
5. You two have completely different relationship goals and values – You need to know EXACTLY what you want. This requires self-reflection and self-knowledge. If you do not know what you want you will get into a relationship with someone, who has got different values and beliefs from yours. In the beginning, you will be able to ignore these differences but as time progresses, the feeling of resentment will grow and this is not a good way to be in a relationship.
6. Just being a booty call – When we hope it changes and the other person will fall in love with us but actually for them we are just fun, no strings attached. It is hard to face the truth but being objective is a must. Being objective will help us to make the right decision for ourselves. If both parties agree on the booty call, that is fine, as long as both parties are aware of it.
7. You feel like you are their therapist or life coach – dealing with constant sad stories and even noticing patterns in them and there is no change in their behavior. You feel drained by these interactions, you always have to focus on their hard life. Let’s face it, someone who moans and groans constantly drains the life out of us.
8. They are not over their ex – Some people enter a new relationship and still have a lot of unresolved trauma with their ex. If you notice that the other person is constantly comparing you with their ex, or talking with anger, frustration, and resentment about their ex, that means they are not over their ex. This will be projected onto you sooner or later.
9. They try to change you – If someone is not accepting of you, commenting about your appearance that means they are struggling with you. Run for the hills, regardless of their words about love and appreciation. Even when they see something good in you, the fact they require you to change something in your physical appearance or in your behavior, simply means that they do not accept you fully. No one should force another person to change for them, but rather lead with their own example. You might not be ready to implement these changes in your life, or some of the changes might require surgical intervention that goes against your beliefs and understandings.

I, have certainly been guilty of the majority of these red flags. Having said that, now I realise my faults and I am still working on improving my behaviour towards others and being less judgemental. Or even I let bygones be bygones, and I just remove myself from these people. If they ask me for advice or help, and they are ready to implement the change I am there to support them, the best way I can.

The harsh truth is, that it all starts with us and finishes with us. So if we want our lives to change, we have to change. This decision is in our hands and no one else’s.

If you need help to make the necessary changes in your life and you do not know where to start book your first session with me.