I was born in Bulgaria, but for the last 17 years, I have been living in England. I am writing this post while I am visiting my family and friends in Bulgaria. Yes, I am doing my best to be on holiday and enjoy my time with them.
I haven’t visited Bulgaria in 5 years and I can definitely see the difference between my thinking and their thinking. I can see how we have grown apart from each other, and that I am not willing to tolerate my old way of thinking. Now I can see how the way I have changed my beliefs is different and how theirs, hasn’t changed. Simply put, my old way of thinking and reacting is really hurtful not only to me but to the people around me. It is so in my face, I want to run away but I still have a week here. The aeroplane ticket is booked and I have to wait.
My first week here showed me how to accept that some people are not willing to see my point of view. It is hard because I know that the person underneath is a good one but the belief system is detrimental. What should I do? I don’t want to destroy the friendship but at the same time, I don’t want to pollute myself with the toxicity.
So after some deliberating, I decided to write this blog post. I want to show you how to accept what is, and through that acceptance move on and continue building your life.
Acceptance
Accepting what is can be one of the hardest things we do in life. The reason for that is the desire for an easier and happier life. We think that if only one person changes into someone we will like, our life will be simpler and easier. That means changing others to meet our expectations. This is not always possible, as it is outside of our control. It is always outside of our control, regardless of how influential we might be. Trying to change others forcefully creates resentment and consequently friction and possibly hatred. Changing others through manipulation, for the sake of receiving something we want, is a double-edged sword. I see acceptance as step one towards releasing control and starting an easier and more fulfilled life.
The decision if we will keep that person in our life or remove them
This is not a white-and-black area at all. I know a lot of people expect a definitive answer but the truth is that there are a lot of shades. These shades depend on our needs and willingness to keep or remove the person from our lives. This step can be confusing for us and somewhat unbalancing. The reason for that comes from previous habitual patterns, we have. Finding how we will separate mentally from what we are holding on to from the past. I know we tend to hold on to the good old memories and we keep the hope that we will recreate them at any given moment in the future. However, this is not always possible because when life happens, each and every one of us takes a different direction. Exactly the expectations, that others will understand us or will go the same direction in life as us is what creates resentment. That means we need to make the decision if we are willing to tolerate the difference between the belief systems and for how long. Sometimes it is healthy to simply distance ourselves for a while before we decide how to move on.
If you need help with any of these steps, book your appointment with me:
