What is self-worth?
Self-worth is the feeling, we have, that we are good enough and worthy of receiving love, and support and that we belong. Quite often there is a misunderstanding that self-worth is the same as self-esteem. The difference is that self-esteem relies on external factors and circumstances, while self-worth is the internal feeling and understanding, that even if we are not good in one area, that doesn’t make us unworthy. Self-esteem relies on external factors such as success and achievements, while self-worth relies on our beliefs about ourselves.
Self-worth is the internal knowing that we are worth it, regardless of what other people’s opinion is about us. By having high self-worth we understand that when others do not value us, this is only their opinion and it shouldn’t have to affect us. Feeling worthy means that we understand how important it is to us to look after ourselves, and care for ourselves and that our needs are important to be met.
Looking after ourselves first is not selfish. I know this is how we have been taught but partially it relates to our wants. The reason for that is that our wants are not as important as our needs. Our wants are important and we should not downplay them but our needs should take priority. We need to be aware of what is a need and what is a want. The distinction can make a world of a difference when it comes to our self-esteem.
What is low self-worth?
Low self-worth is having, a generally negative opinion about ourselves. Low self-worth means that we feel as if we do not deserve, the love that has been given to us. When we have low self-worth, we often tend to downplay the compliments we receive or our achievements. We tend to overlook our capacity, abilities and qualities. The reason for us to downplay our worth is the social condition that we should not be selfish and shine our light.
But there is a difference between bragging and acknowledging. Bragging is constantly stealing someone else’s light by turning it to us, whether it is consciously or subconsciously. Acknowledging our achievements or skills is about receiving well-deserved credits for our abilities and work.
When we downplay ourselves, we affirm to us that we are not deserving. That in effect lowers our self-worth.
For as long as we do not feel worthy of what we desire, there will be an internal war, inside of us. On one hand, we want something but on the other hand, we push it away. This act of pushing away might show itself as being afraid to ask for it, procrastinating, self-sabotaging etc.
Signs of low self-worth
- Struggling to accept compliments. If you give an excuse, every time, when someone compliments you or you try to downplay the compliment through deflecting, try to answer with a simple “Thank you”. It can be difficult to accept that some people will not judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. Our ability to accept compliments gracefully helps us and brings others closer to us. When we deflect a compliment, the other person feels as if their opinion has been invalidated.
- Constantly doubting yourself. Self-doubting is habitual thinking, so it can be hard to spot it. Self-doubt includes second-guessing on a constant basis and doubting your ability to handle a task. Sometimes we are afraid to take a leap of faith because we feel that we do not know enough and we might fail. Self-doubt is a learnt behaviour. Self-doubt has been developed in our childhood years because we didn’t have enough knowledge or skills, but this is not the case as an adult.
- Struggle to set boundaries. Quite often we are afraid to insert our boundaries because that might hurt someone’s feelings. We see it as pleasing others, but actually, we disrespect ourselves. This is a learnt behaviour as well. We have been taught not to hurt others’ feelings. The truth is that we do not hurt anyone’s feelings. Their feelings are already hurt. However, we hurt their expectations. The other person expects us to behave in a certain way, to use certain words and mostly to comply with their wishes. When we set our boundaries, we show others how we want to be treated and we set our standards. When we do not set any boundaries we show others that not only do we disrespect ourselves but they can disrespect us too.
- Use of negative self-talk. This is where we constantly criticise ourselves for our, perceived, negative attributes. Because of our negative self-talk, we think that we do not deserve something good to happen to us. So we expect something negative to happen. And when this negative thing happens to us, we tend to blame ourselves for it. Accepting that we are flawed and we will be flawed is a powerful technique. It allows us to drop perfectionism and continue living our lives, knowing that we are good enough. Not perfect but good enough and there is nothing wrong with that.
In conclusion, low self-worth is a trap of the mind. As long as you keep on looking at reasons for your suffering, the longer you will keep on suffering. However, there is a way for you to rebuild strong and beneficial self-worth. Building your self-worth is a journey and it requires time and some effort. It requires time because you need to look at what you believe about yourself and change these beliefs. Also, you need to look at what conscious changes you can implement to be able not only to build your self-worth but also to maintain it.
A really good technique that can be used is affirmations. Affirming to yourself that you are enough and you are worth being given and receiving love, joy and freedom.
Examples of powerful affirmations are:
“I am worthy of love”
“I am worthy of being acknowledged”
“I am worthy of feeling free”
“I am worthy of feeling joy”
“I am worthy of being supported”
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