What are negative thoughts?
Thoughts. They are powerful. Thoughts can be ideas, calls to action, or simply memories. Thoughts are neither good nor bad. They simply are. However, what emotion we assign to them makes our thoughts positive or negative.
For us to have negative thoughts we have assigned negative feelings to each one of them. This is what makes negative thoughts. The negative feelings that we usually assign to our thoughts are anger, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, rejection, sadness, sorrow, dread, longing and so on. All these emotions, we experience, come to show us something, within ourselves, we are either overlooking or we are trying to avoid at all costs.
Why do we have negative thoughts?
Living in a world of social media and constant access to news, we are bombarded with messages that the world is an extremely fearful place or that we are so average that we cannot achieve what others have already. Something else that doesn’t help us is that we expect instant results. And when we do not see the results we expect, within the timeline we want, we think we are not good enough or even worse: we do not deserve it.
Seeing how others, younger than us, are wealthier, happier and live a life we desire, makes us feel insignificant. The end result is negative thoughts.
In general, the negative thoughts are born from the fear of death. All fears lead to the fear of death. This fear has been installed in us by our caregivers because they fear that they will lose us. Their fear is more of “How I will live without my child?”. So ultimately it is fear of death.
How negative thoughts can help us?
All our thoughts are helpful. The positive ones show us what we like. The negative ones show us our blind spots and areas, where we can do with some improvement. We may lack self-worth, self-love or patience. Or we need to let go of control and be more flexible in our expectations.
Whenever I do have a negative thought, I keep asking myself what I REALLY want or what lesson is hiding behind it. This helps me to become more self-aware and to figure out what part of myself needs acceptance or what belief I need to let go of.
The more negative thoughts we have, the more fears we have. So we can look at these thoughts as little helpers, who show us what we need to reframe or accept, to live a more free and fulfilled life.
Ways to reframe negative thoughts
Be a watcher
Simply be conscious of yourself as a detached witness to your thoughts. Assuming the point of the observer allows us to assess our thoughts without emotion. When we do get carried away with the story we can see the bigger picture much better and find a solution, that will work long term
Name that thought
Acknowledge that they are nothing more than thoughts. Your thoughts are not your reality. How many times our fears have not materialised? What is the point of fretting over something that is not in our control? When we name our thoughts, we help ourselves to detach from them. They become a separate entity, that we fully can control.
Just say “No”
When you catch yourself in mental looping or worry, simply say “STOP!” out loud. This method helps us to stop the thoughts in their tracks and breaks the pattern. Once the pattern is broken we can start introducing different patterns. It does take time, so please be patient with yourself.
Try the rubber band trick
If you are stuck in negative thinking, gently pop it on your wrist. This method works on 2 levels: breaking the pattern and telling our brain that a negative thought hurts. When something is hurting us our brain does everything possible to avoid it.
Know your triggers
Pay attention to common worries and anxieties you brood about. This method requires a level of self-awareness. Knowing your triggers can help you to start working on healing the parts of you that you were not aware of.
Distract yourself
Do something that will occupy your mind, so there is no room for negative thoughts. I wouldn’t personally recommend this method, as one addiction can lead to another, more dangerous one. Yes, negative thinking is an addiction. Breaking one addiction with another is never productive in the long run. It just creates more problems and it doesn’t help you to deal with the real cause of the negative pattern.
Working on your way of thinking requires time and patience. The shift doesn’t happen overnight as it is a habit, and habits need time to be replaced with new ones. The new habit should be more helpful and beneficial. Usually to create a new habit can take anything between 3 weeks to 6 months. So give yourself permission to fail and to get back on your track. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
If you need help to explore where your negative thinking comes from and to develop new habits, book your session with me:
