Being authentic is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Being authentic is only possible when we have healed our childhood wounds, re-parent ourselves and feel balanced within our convictions and beliefs.
It is perfectly normal to have some damage done to us when we were kids. Consciously or unconsciously, our parents have said something or done something, and we have internalised it and accepted it as truth. Usually, these experiences leave us with feelings of guilt, not-enoughness and helplessness.
So we enter society with grown-up bodies and the emotional maturity of 5-10-year-olds. Don’t shoot the messenger, please. I have been there too and I do know how painful it is to look inside and pull it all out. The pain doesn’t come from what actually has happened to us but more from us, chastising ourselves, for not seeing it.
Anyway, if we are not healed we tend to wear a mask, to adopt a role, that we are trying to protect ourselves with.
There are 3 main roles, that we tend to adopt:
1. Victim = Being in the victim mode can be very comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. When we are in the victim role we allow life to happen to us. We tend to put the blame, for something that we do not like, onto someone else. And when something good happens, we give grace to someone else. Unfortunately living that way we tend to give our power away. Of course, blaming someone else transfers our responsibility to the other person and our load is lighter. But is it really? Living as a victim means that our life is full of anger, resentment and helplessness. When we are in the victim role we feel helpless and weak.
2. Villain – To be a villain, we need a victim. When we are in the role of the villain we tend to be unhappy and criticise everything. We feel thoroughly misunderstood and overlooked. The world should simply comply with our wants and needs. We feel like everything and everybody is against us. Simply put life is a huge struggle, because we feel that we have to battle everything and everyone. Everyone around is an idiot or stupid or incompetent. We are the ones, who know and can do things but no one listens to us. So we do everything within our power to show how good we are by putting others down. Living in that way is truly exhausting. All our energy is channelled in us proving our righteousness and capabilities. When we are in the villain role we think we are better than everyone.
3. Hero = When we have a villain and a victim, of course, we need a hero, to save the day. Helping others is a good thing. But sometimes adopting the role of the hero is a way to avoid looking at our hurt. Trying to avoid our own pain through the gratification, we receive, by saving others. Doing it from a place of hurt is somewhat hypocritical. Trying to help others, with something, that we haven’t dealt with, in our own life is not right. For example, I cannot teach you how to deal with debt if I am in huge debt myself, can I? Or teach you how to lose weight if I am overweight myself. When we are in a hero role we think we can save the world and no one can without us
If you want to work on your emotional maturity and come out of an unhealthy mindset, book your session with me
